The Weekend Newds

• Kelly Osbourne sad recently that she would go fully nude for Playboy magazine, but that they would have to airbrush her "tits". Hugh Hefner replied, "I can't see it happening somehow - we don't airbrush to that extent." Hef proves once again that the damage he has done for more than half a century to women's body image is still a work in progress.
• In China, the Shanghai Municipal People's Congress will take up the subject of breastfeeding. Women are too shy to breastfeed in public and are demanding baby-care facilities so they can nurse in private.

  "I never breastfed my child in public places. It's much too revealing," she (Xiao Hong) said. Even when I breastfed at home, I would not do it until others left the room. I don't want others to see my naked body."

• A UK nightclub has been given permission for nude dancing, and, as usual, the morality police are outraged. Councilor Peter Chiswell was furious.

  "I am both saddened and angry because of the impact this will have on the town. We can look forward to more drunks being ejected onto St Peter's Street and businesses being forced to leave the town. This sort of club can lead to increases in crimes such as rapes, sexual assaults and drug-dealing. We have £500 million-worth of investment coming into Bedford, but the town is in danger of being seen as the regional sleaze capital."

  It has been proven statistically time after time that nude dancing clubs do not lead to more crime when introduced into an area. Generally municipalities force such businesses into areas that are "seedy" to begin with. Opponents always make this false argument yet never provide the facts to support the claim.
• Actress Mena Suvari has been photographed enjoying topfreedom on a beach (believed to be in Miami). As a rule I despise paparazzi invading some one's privacy, but I think it's relevant to nudism and naturism when a celebrity is comfortable enough for non-sexual social nudity. Maybe this is the "topfree decade".
• The Ohio prosecutor who was caught walking around a government building in the nude after hours might be off the legal hook. A judge ruled that his right to a speedy trial had been violated and the charges could be dismissed on this technicality. Non-sexual nudity should not be a crime.
• A mother has written a letter to the editor of an Indiana newspaper praises the benefits of censorship.

  Consider the following scenario as well: You turn on the TV and you begin watching a movie that seems to be family-friendly with your children. Suddenly there is an eruption of passion between two characters. Then, on your television screen you have two people having sex. By the time you find the remote, that 30-second sex scene has completely changed your child's life - they have just been subjected to sex, something they will be forced to cope with for the rest of their life. They will deal with it in magazines, movies, advertisements, television, everything they are subjected to is becoming more and more sex saturated. This is where I feel censorship is truly lacking, I feel that the majority of today's media portrays many subjects it shouldn't portray at all.

  It's called parental responsibility, look into it. The government should not be legislating morality. Anyone dumb enough to turn on HBO and watch "The Sopranos" with little kids in the room needs a psychiatrist, not a censor.
• Bernhoff A. Dahl, M. D., is scheduling appearances at naturist gatherings to promote his book Optimize Your Life! The One-page Strategic Planner.
• Topless tourists are upsetting the locals of a town in India.

  “With vices such as nudism and drugs entering into the coastal villages of Canacona, some citizens and elderly residents have already begun to move out from coastal localities, either by selling or renting out their old houses.”

• Did you know that in Spain there are 700 nude beaches, and all beaches are topless?

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